


if you were there (i wouldn't have to keep riding elevators)

by acciosapphic



Category: Aespa (Band)
Genre: Angst, Elevators, F/F, Kariselle, aespa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29152089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acciosapphic/pseuds/acciosapphic
Summary: Jimin loves riding elevators.
Relationships: Uchinaga Eri | Giselle & Yoo Jimin | Karina
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	if you were there (i wouldn't have to keep riding elevators)

Jimin loves riding elevators.

There is something warm about hopping inside the small compartment, something familiar about touching the cold steel walls, hand gripping the safety handle as she presses the floor on top of her own. It’s all… homey— _hopeful_. Her smile automatically making an appearance after the soft _ting_ , doors wide open to reveal an empty hallway.

Jimin would come out of the elevator as if it’s a routine she couldn’t shrug off. Stay at that floor—7th—and would ring 703’s doorbell thrice, before riding another lift down to her own unit.

“You were at 7th, weren’t you?” The question sounds less accusatory, more careful, as if afraid of crossing the line between concern and pity.

Jimin knows that, and she appreciates the effort, so she smiles, “I was.”

“Rough day?”

“I guess you could say that.”

Jimin jumped on her bed but not before rummaging through her bedside drawer for an ugly green sweater.

* * *

You know how some people say that life is like a movie? How they reduce it as flashes of scenes, happy montages and sad ones, all rolling behind cameras? Well, Jimin thinks that might be true—at some aspect, at least.

Because that is exactly what’s going on inside her head at the moment, _I’m living a blockbuster film_.

Jimin leans on the doorway, watches how Aeri dances around her living room. Her sunny disposition lighting up the space, smiling so wide, eyes crinkling when the sun hits her face just right, and Jimin’s just so… whipped. Head trying to wrap itself around the fact that if she’s indeed in a movie, this might be the moment where she realizes that she’s falling in love.

Except, Jimin’s already in love.

Aeri noticed Jimin standing there, and she grins, reaches out for her phone to increase the volume of the music, spinning happily around.

Jimin smiles. The whole scene plays in her head with unrealistic speed, too slow. As if the director of Jimin’s life wants her to focus on Aeri’s little details. The way she scrunches her nose when she laughs, revealing whisker dimples just below her eyes—

“Dance with me,” Aeri chuckles, putting down her mug to pull Jimin.

Jimin complains, laughing, but she loves it. She loves _her_.

“I haven’t had my hot choco yet.”

Aeri plants a soft kiss on Jimin’s cheek, “Is this enough?”

Jimin feigns confusion, “Hot choco, who?”

Aeri laughs, and Jimin swore that it’s the best sound she’s ever heard in her whole life.

But the funny thing here is that if you asked Jimin about Aeri a few months back, she would’ve sneered at you and told you to back off. Aeri’s overall bright and happy energy is the last thing Jimin wants as a conversation starter. She just couldn’t stand it.

She couldn’t stand people who radiate sunshine and rainbows, people who see positivity as a reflex for difficult situations. Jimin loathes it mainly because she isn’t like that.

Jimin prides herself for being a realist.

Aeri is her complete opposite.

Aeri latches on what ifs, holds on to what more life could offer. There’s always hope in Aeri’s words, quite assurance that everything will get better. Jimin, on the other hand, takes things as they are, works on what she has, and never asks for anything else.

She guessed losing both of her parents at a young age and growing up in an orphanage too old to be adopted led her to be like that.

It became her survival guide.

Until Aeri came.

A stranger rushing inside the elevator with a bright smile and two cups of hot choco, she looked at Jimin. Offered her a cup, which Jimin aggressively refused to take, but Aeri was insistent, borderline stubborn, saying _it’s fine, no one’s gonna drink it anyway_ —it annoyed Jimin—and she had no other choice but to oblige just to shut her up.

To let her come in.

Waltz into Jimin’s life unnoticed, crawling beneath the cracks on her walls until she was all bared and open for Aeri to peruse. A little vulnerable, unguarded if she might dare so say. It’s like Jimin’s been born again, and in this life, she belongs to someone. In this life, she finally gets to experience how it feels to love, and be loved back—her past beliefs and inhibitions all thrown out the window.

Jimin doesn’t care anymore.

She loves Aeri, and Aeri loves her.

That’s all that matters.

And for the longest time, Jimin feels happy.

She smiles more often, began appreciating the little things that she took for granted before. Her morning commutes, the sight of the whole neighborhood on her balcony’s unit—the only view her paycheck can afford— even the short minutes she spends on the elevator became more meaningful, less hassle, and it says a lot given her fear of closed spaces.

“What are you thinking about?” Aeri pokes Jimin’s forehead, chuckling. And all Jimin could think about is how adorable it was. How conflicting. A slight betrayal to the image Aeri portrayed when they were ravaging each other minutes ago.

Jimin shifts on the bed, the blanket falling down a little. A bruise on her collarbone made an appearance, “You. I’m thinking about you.”

“Sap,” Aeri chuckles, she touches the mark on Jimin’s skin, drawing tiny circles in attempt to relieve the pain, “sorry about this.”

Jimin laughs, “You’re not really sorry though, are you?”

“No,” Aeri hums, burying her face on the crook of Jimin’s neck, “but I love you,” she breathes in, lips touching a sensitive hollow on Jimin’s skin.

Just like a knee jerk reaction, Jimin held Aeri’s face with both of her hands; giving her a long, lingering kiss as she continues where they left off. Her quiet whispers of _I love yous_ , now an emphasis to every grazing touch and arched backs, kisses too hot Jimin is afraid she would pass out.

In between heavy breaths, Aeri would reach for her hand, intertwine their fingers together. Jimin’s heart would flutter, amused at how Aeri could flip such _moments_ and transform it into something soft and wholesome—Jimin melts. And despite Jimin’s current extreme intoxication (courtesy of Aeri’s lips), her stomach lurches, face blushing profusely like a stammering high school student in the middle of a confession.

“I love you,” Aeri would repeat over and over after the deed, kissing Jimin’s cheek in the process.

This is usually the part where Jimin tears up, her insides warm in pure bliss, “I love you too.”

Jimin never believed in God, but in these silent moments, Jimin wishes— _prays_ that He won’t take her away.

* * *

There is a loud scream, accompanied by a thud like the floor’s been smashed by heavy weight, and Ningning knows—she knows because at the back of her mind, she has been preparing for this. Both mentally and emotionally.

Ningning rushes towards the room, her hands shaking as she twists the doorknob.

“Unnie,” Ningning whispers, she swallowed hard, tries to bury the lump on her throat. She got this, she needs to be strong. Any false courage she has should be up front. She can’t— _I can’t break down too_.

Ningning’s heart clenches at the sight.

Jimin sat on the corner of the room like a kid, hugging her knees. Eyes bloodshot and mouth sobbing, Ningning looks up because _oh God everything is just painful_. Jimin has always been a tough cookie, and seeing her like this, disoriented and lost, it’s like Ningning is seeing a different person.

And it’s scary, because if someone like Jimin could break, then Ningning’s pretty sure she can be easily blown off into smithereens.

But this isn’t about her.

This is all about Jimin.

“Unnie,” Ningning reiterates. She closes her fist and walks slowly towards Jimin, “I’m here.”

Jimin sobs, her breathing ragged, “Ning… why, why does it have to be her?” Jimin’s words are jumbled, barely audible.

Ningning reaches for her hand, her tears on the verge of falling too, “I don’t know unnie,” she shook her head, “I don’t know.”

Jimin chuckles, “She’s just so selfish…” Jimin punches the floor, cries even harder, “so selfless keeping something like that as a secret.”

No one knew about it. Not even their parents, not even Ningning whom Aeri always deemed as _her best sister confidante,_ not even Jimin who Aeri loves above anyone else. No one.

And even in Aeri’s last breaths, no one knew she was dying.

“Ning, it hurts…” Jimin continues, her sobs louder, as if her breathing could never be steadied, “it hurts, please make it stop. _Please, make it stop_.”

It was so vulnerable.

Jimin isn’t really one to bare it all.

And that was the cue, Ningning lets go, puts her arms around Jimin, their silent agreement now binded by loss and pain and regrets.

“I love her so much,” Jimin breathes, “I love her, I love her, I love her…” It was an endless chant, and Ningning listens, if Aeri couldn’t hear it, then she’d hear it for her.

She’d hear it for her sister.

It’s been months but they’ve barely moved at all.

Ningning wants to blame Aeri, for not saying anything, for keeping her pain all to herself, but she knows her sister meant well. Ningning shook her head, laughing, she could imagine Aeri’s voice saying _I’ll get better anyways, I don’t need to tell you about it._

Aeri’s just so positive.

Battling cancer all alone because she doesn’t want to weigh everyone down.

It’s so messed up, and thoughtful and selfish all at once.

* * *

“Where are you going?” Ningning asks when Jimin stood up.

“At her place,” Jimin spat out so casually like someone’s still waiting for her up there.

Ningning shook her head, “Unnie…”

There’s exhaustion in Ningning’s voice, but Jimin didn’t pay much attention. She’s tired too.

“Unnie,” Ningning calls her out again, “how long are you going to keep this up?”

Jimin knows what Ningning meant. She knows that she couldn’t pay Aeri’s lease forever, that ringing her doorbell thrice in hopes that Aeri would answer needs to stop, that eventually Jimin will have to let her go. But she can’t do it. Not yet.

Jimin gave Ningning a reassuring smile, a sad one, “Until it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

And when Jimin said that, she meant for a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> hi sorry :<


End file.
